I can tell how you feel
by RaiseYourVoice88
Summary: ONE OK ROCK - sometimes it's difficult to believe in yourself but that's what friends are for - to catch you when you're about to fall down and to make you smile again


Band: ONE OK ROCK

Pair: implied Toru/Taka

Disclaimer: I don't own the guys and I don't get any money for this

Warning: implied male/male relationship

Comment: English is only my second language so I hope my writing isn't too bad – there's still so much for me to learn . I'd be really happy about some comments and also tips/corrections how to make it better ^^~

The end of the concert was acknowledged with huge applause and the loud screaming of their fans. While everyone already left the stage Taka stood there with the microphone still in his hand and watched the cheering crowd. The performance was over but he didn't feel like leaving, he wanted to stay right here to listen to their fans and keep the encouraging feeling of this successful concert as close to his heart as he could.

It felt so different with only four members on stage and to some extent it also felt wrong to him but the vocalist knew there had been no other way for Alex then leaving - they had talked about all this hundredth of times but it still didn't fully reach his mind. They had so much fun together, had gotten some kind of family and spent good as well as bad times together but now it was over.

The first concert without their lead guitarist and everything went well, even though Toru was quite stressed lately and not in the best mood today. Of course, he was the leader and now he also had to cover the whole guitar parts by himself together with his rap-vocals.

Taka knew he couldn't do anything about it, he couldn't help Toru and he also couldn't turn back time to a point when they maybe could've prevented the incident with Alex. It wasn't his fault but he nevertheless felt somewhat guilty and useless exactly because he couldn't do something else then watching the world around himself going to pieces.

"Oi, Taka, come on. The people are already leaving and you could need some rest too."

The vocalist turned his head to the entrance of the stage and met Ryota's gaze who reached out his hand to the smaller one with a warm smile. Taka sighed lowly before he reacted and finally put the microphone away. A last smile and a wave goodbye was directed to the fans who gathered their stuff together and then he left the stage to enter the quite dark backstage area.

The bassist had waited for him and now he wrapped his arm around Taka's shoulder before guiding him to the other two members. When they entered the room both of their friends lifted their gazes and a slight smile graced the vocalist's lips for a short moment.

Tomoya was playing around with a drumstick while holding a bottle of water in the other hand to nip from the cool liquid every now and then. Toru just put off his shirt to throw it in the direction of the next chair and leaned against the table while he also reached out for a bottle of water to allay his thirst.

The smallest member watched his friend for a while before he got himself something to drink and sat down on a chair in the other edge of the room. It was common that they didn't talk much after a concert but normally this silence came after at least a little celebration because of a good performance. Again his thoughts got lost when he came to the conclusion that this behavior was caused by the gap Alex had left.

No matter what he tried to avoid thinking about what happened he couldn't help to always end up at the same topic. He was happy they could be on stage again but he couldn't tell when the time for the band to fully recover would come. They didn't mention the whole subject anymore but Taka knew everyone thought about it once in a while – maybe not as much as he did but they did think of Alex.

"We should head for the hotel, okay? Everyone seems quite leached out so we can celebrate tomorrow and just end the day now."

Tomoya looked at his friends with a gentle smile while he got up from his chair and put the bottle and the drumstick on the table. Normally Toru would've been the one to suggest this but with this concert it was like a new beginning for the whole band and one couldn't talk about 'normally' anymore. Their leader just gave a silent nod before he started looking around to figure out where exactly his shirt landed before.

The vocalist watched him for a moment before getting on his feet. He walked over to the slender guitarist and picked up the other's shirt on his way to hold it out to Toru.

"You're okay?" The vocalist asked with a low voice when their leader took the cloth to get dressed again. Toru raised an eyebrow but in the next moment a soft smile appeared on his lips and he reached out to ruffle the older one's hair.

"Yeah, everything's alright. What about you? Took you a while to get off stage today, huh?"

Toru grinned teasingly at the smaller one and tilted his head a little to the side. The vocalist pulled a face as reaction to this counter question but he was somewhat happy that the younger started a little conversation. After Toru's bad mood before the concert he thought the guitarist would prefer not to talk much now but he just proved this suggestion wrong. Maybe Taka should really stop worrying so much about everything and everyone…

"Well, yes, just because…I wanted to enjoy this feeling a little longer…" Taka mumbled with a faint smile but the other one nodded and obviously understood the real reason even though the vocalist didn't mention anything about his thoughts.

Before their leader could reply something, the other members asked them to get ready to leave now and so they followed the two out of the room. The hotel was on the other side of the street so there was no need to get a car and fortunately there weren't fans around so they could cross the road without being held up.

Right before Taka could follow Tomoya and Ryota through the big glass door of the hotel he felt the gentle touch of a warm hand on his shoulder that made him stop in his movement to look at the taller one by his side.

"What's up?"

It was quite obvious Toru's gesture had a deeper meaning than just a spontaneous friendly contact but the vocalist couldn't tell what. The younger now smiled at him and pointed towards the dark night sky where millions of stars were sparkling while the last small pieces of clouds slowly made their way to reveal the shining orbs completely.

"Would you mind staying some minutes outside with me? We could walk around the hotel or so…" He asked Taka with a soft low voice while he was still watching the innocent blinking stars glowing in the darkness of the night.

The vocalist was a little surprised but he really didn't mind so he nodded in agreement and returned the smile. He was somewhat happy not to have to go back to his room already but to spend some more time with one of his friends. Alone in this empty hotel room he would immediately start thinking about the concert and everything concerning the band's current situation and he hated to lose his thoughts in this topic over and over again.

"Thanks. I'm not really tired and it's nice to have some company. I wanted to talk to you anyway so let's go."

Toru pulled away his hand from the other's shoulder and they started walking – not around the hotel but down a small side road of it. The first few minutes passed by in silence but after a while the guitarist cleared his throat to get Taka's attention before talking.

"About earlier…when you stood on stage after the concert…What were you thinking about? Of course you don't have to tell me but I'd really like to know. I'm just a little worried…" The younger started the conversation and paused in walking to look at his friend with a serious expression in his eyes. Taka stopped too and didn't know what to say at first. He didn't want to talk about this topic because nobody had mentioned it anymore but he also didn't want the other to worry either. Maybe it was the best way to be honest even if it would drag down the relaxed atmosphere…

"There's no need for you to worry. I was thinking about the concert and about the band. I love to be back on stage again but it felt strange without Alex…It feels so wrong to be performing without him even if I know there's no other way. I really miss to have him around…" Taka explained almost whispering and scratched his cheek in a helpless gesture. His gaze was directed to the floor but he clearly felt the eyes of the other watching him and he got a little nervous.

"That's what I thought…You should try not to let yourself get down by it again. You know Alex told us to go on without regret. It wasn't our fault and it was his decision to leave the band. Of course it's not easy - for none of us - but it wouldn't feel better to give up on everything because of what happened." Toru told him with an encouraging smile while one hand came to rest on the smaller one's shoulder.

He knew it was especially hard for the sensitive vocalist that something like this had happened to their band but it wasn't the time to get depressed and he wanted to try his best to cheer the elder up again because his smile was so much more worth than such a sad face. It truly didn't suit Taka to behave like a set out puppy that just wants to hide somewhere from this big scary world.

"I know…I know it's hard for everyone that's why I didn't say anything…If one has the right to complain it's you because there's so much work now and you've got even more stress than before…" Taka sighed and lifted his gaze for a short moment to look into the other's deep brown eyes. It was this surprised expression he saw that made him smile softly before averting his gaze again.

"Sorry that I can't help you with all the tasks you have to fulfill now…I'm really sorry for being so useless to you…"

It was only a low mumble but Toru definitely understood and his eyes widened in disbelieve. Those words made his heart stop for a split second just to beat faster and almost painful afterwards as if it wanted to burst out of his ribcage. It felt so disturbing to hear the vocalist say such things about himself and it was also somewhat painful. How could the other always tend to think such nonsense? That was just wrong, so absolutely wrong…

"You're an idiot! Don't say or think something like this ever again! You're far from being useless for anyone and especially for me. I may be a bit stressed at the moment but it's not your fault and don't think you can't be helpful. You could help me if you'd promise me to not believe being worthless anymore and please stop thinking everything is your fault because it definitely isn't. You're a wonderful and warm-hearted person, that's something you should believe in. Try to be happy and to gain strength from what happened. Learn to smile from the bottom of your heart again – not only for our fans, the others or me but for yourself."

Taka listened to every word carefully and he couldn't suppress that his eyes slowly filled with tears while be bit his lower lip to avoid any sound. It really touched his currently restless and lost soul to know the younger really cared that much about him.

Sometimes it was hard for the vocalist to believe he was needed at least by his band members but just these words made him remember about it and it filled him with warmth that seemed to rush through his whole body.

He couldn't hold back a low sob and in the next moment he found himself gently pressed against the warm body of his friend while strong arms wrapped around his slightly trembling body. It didn't need any more words because this reaction showed that Toru knew the vocalist understood and so he just embraced him tightly while feeling a hot wet droplet running down over his collarbone when the elder leaned the forehead against his shoulder…

-the end-


End file.
